"A Mom Just Like You"

I am reading this book by Vickie Farris and her daughter, Jayme Farris Metzgar. I found encouragement in the second chapter by these words,

"I can think of few things more difficult for a mother than doing something she believes is not God's best for her children. If you are in this situation, be comforted that God rewards those who obey Him. I believe that home education has been successful for this very reason - it is God's way, and God's ways work. However, for mothers whose husbands have forbidden them to home school, God's way is to submit to your husband. Just as we homeschooling mothers need to obey God and trust Him with the results, so you, in obeying God by obeying your husband, can trust Him to take care of your children."

It helps to hear that God will take care of my children as they enter public school this year. I feel like I need to cry out, "Lord, help me with my unbelief." I can't put God in a box and say that the evils of public school are mightier than He is. I have such fears about what school will introduce my daughters to, based on what I was exposed to as a young woman. I blame the poor choices of my young adulthood on my parent's not sheltering me better, but I am sure there is more to it than just their decision to put me in public school.

My parents made many mistakes with me as I am sure I will make many with my own children. I just hate to make the same mistakes as were made with me. For example, I will never ever leave my husband. The legacy of divorce is on my head through no fault of my own (or my mother's). My parents didn't divorce, but they did separate several times. It rocked my young world to discover that you could count on someone for everything and they might just one day leave because they didn't "love" you anymore. This has devastated my ability to form healthy relationships, which I believe God in now in the process of healing. My relationship with my husband has been saved by my own salvation.

My mom took the girls and I shopping for school clothes today. Just the process of shopping for school clothes brought up so many fears in me. I wish my husband was a believer and understood the importance of sheltering. I will still do my best to provide a firm foundation to stand on. I know it is possible to grow into a Godly woman even going through public school. So many of the women I admire now did just that. It is just a challenge that has to be faced. I will pray both for their spiritual/emotional/physical safety and for my husband's mind to change. I will drive them to school and pick them up, no matter how convenient the bus would be. I will have lunch with them once a week at least and volunteer at the school as much as possible to be a witness to what they face. I will seek out Godly mothers with similar convictions, so that my children can find friends with similar upbringings. I will hope and trust in my Lord, and pray, "Lord, help me with my unbelief!" May He teach me that I can have faith in Him and that His will shall be done!

Schooling, health, and homemaking

We completed the second lesson in 100 Easy Lessons to Teach your Child to Read. If I had realized it was this simplistic, I would have started it a long time ago. I thought you had to know all of your alphabet letters and sounds before you could start it. Really it teaches them as you go along. The girls are excited to be doing "homeschool" again. I had laid off when they were in Ms. Aimee's class, but now that they are having different teachers, I am less confident about what they are learning. I would still like to homeschool next year, but I am at least assured that if dh persists in his desire for them to go to public school that they will be ready for such a long time away from me. They have handled being in another person's class for more than an hour without melting down, which had never previously happened.

I am having real body issues that I can't identify. I am tired and irritable. I know I am sick with an upper respiratory thing and haven't been able to slow down the pace at all. Dh takes every day off as a "fun family day". He isn't one to lie around and rest. His workdays aren't as hectic as mine though, so at the end of the week, he is ready to go out and have some fun. I am worn out from caring for other people's children as well as my own, so I am usually ready for a break. I think the time change messed me up also. I am trying to go to bed early because I am still waking up at 5am (formerly 6am), but it doesn't work out that well. Last night I fell asleep while dh was shredding documents in our bedroom at 9pm. How tired do you have to be to sleep through that? Hopefully I can work out whatever is wrong with me and fix it.

I am going to join Candy's perfect palace project: http://myblessedhome.blogspot.com/2007/11/introducing-perfect-palace-project.html

Too often I get caught up in just maintaining that the improvements never seem to get done.

Today's dress and yesterday's follies

From yesterday...

When you procrastinate in your duties (putting away clothes dh has lost too much weight to wear),...

the dog will take a nap on your neglected chore to remind you.
The girls making a game out of stuffed animals and empty shoe boxes ($8!! mary janes from Target - 1 black and 1brown for each girl):

From today:

My dress today is 10 years old! This is the first time I have been able to fit in it in at least 6 years. I'm wearing the same old brown flats (I am a creature of habit). Today I taught preschool and am just cleaning the house the rest of the day.
The girls looking oh so cute in their denim jumpers:

Dh wants the girls to go to public school next year. I don't know if I can handle it. I homeschooled my son until 7th grade and of course I made mistakes. I don't think I would make the same mistakes this time. I am just not ready for them to go off into the world without me there to supervise. In preschool I am right across the hall and my class does recess with their class, so I am able to see what they are doing at all times. I really have to pray about this. I don't know that I could change dh's mind, but I am torn about trying.