laralou

Confessions of a Food Hoarder

2009-01-19T07:04:00.000-08:00

I hoard food. I was always hungry as a child, not at home, but when we were out or I was at a friends house, so I keep lots of food in my purse. Eventually that food makes it to the box where I keep my receipts or worse stays in old handbags or gets shuffled into a box or bag in the attic.

This must be why Despereaux and his brethren moved into my house last month. I apparently keep a very hospitable house for a small family of field mice. I think I found the last hiding place for my food stores this morning (a box in my closet). There was a small package of grits and a couple of pieces of Christmas candy (from last year!). The mice had come and taken and moved on. (We got rid of the family- and the hidden food- a few weeks ago since we discovered they had been living on the much more plentiful food stores in the attic.)

Yuck, yuck, and double yuck! Right now I have several pieces of candy and a granola bar in my purse. I am making my first new year's resolution. To clean out my purse regularly and not to keep food anywhere but in the kitchen. Thankfully the mice never made it there...

Still purging...

2008-12-30T09:45:00.000-08:00

Monday's appointment was not productive, except that I am realizing that I need to prove to my husband that I am trustworthy. I am still in some kind of limbo. He wants me to work, not homeschool and not have another baby. I don't know how to reconcile that with what I want... Just praying.

I am purging...

2008-12-27T13:15:00.000-08:00

I am up in the attic for today and all of next week, boxing everything up. Once it is boxed up, I will go through it box by box to decide what to keep, what to throw away, what to sell, and what to give away. My husband is so happy. I am doing a lot of thinking while I am up there. We have a counseling appointment Monday and I am thinking hard about what I want. Meanwhile, I am also listening to my mom's CDs of Nancy Leigh DeMoss. I am committed to declutter and destress inspired by this post: A Dangerous Immune Disorder

Tis the Season

2008-12-19T14:15:00.000-08:00

...to read to the children
...to pray
...to appreciate your loved ones
...to serve someone else
...to give a smile
...to eat with your family

This is my song...

2008-12-03T18:24:00.000-08:00

Come to Jesus
Oh, my baby, when you're older
Maybe then you'll understand
You have angels to dance around your shoulders
'Cause at times in life you need a helping hand

Oh, my baby, when you're prayin'
Leave your burden by my door
You have Jesus standing at your bedside
To keep you calm, keep you safe,
Away from harm

Worry not my daughters,
Worry not my sons
Child, when life don't seem worth livin'
Come to Jesus and let Him hold you in His arms

Oh, my baby, when you're cryin'
Never hide your face from me
'cause I have conquered hell and driven out the demons
I have come with a light to set you free

Worry not my daughters,
Worry not my sons
Child, when life don't seem worth livin'
Come to Jesus and let Him hold you in His arms

Oh, oh
Oh, oh
Yeah, yeah, yeah

Oh, my baby, when you're dying
Believe the healing of His hand
Here in Heaven we will wait for your arrival
Here in Heaven you will finally understand
Here in Heaven we will wait for your arrival
Here in Heaven you will finally understand

Worry not my daughters,
Worry not my sons
Child, when life don't seem worth livin'
Come to Jesus and let Him hold you in His arms

Not much to say...

2008-12-02T14:25:00.000-08:00

Except that I cry every single day, sometimes every hour, and not just about the baby. I am still on a tv fast. My girlfriend at work told me that she was going to fast and pray about an issue and we got to talking about the importance of fasting when you really need God to hear you and you really need to hear God. I did some thinking, and while my waistline would prefer the food fast, my heart and mind need the tv fast. We'll see how it goes.

I have an ob appointment for my first check up since the baby tomorrow. Hopefully my hormones have returned to normal.

Quiet Day

2008-11-30T14:05:00.000-08:00

I have decided to go on a tv fast for Advent. Maybe I'll even add a bloggy fast, since I am having a hard time (emotionally) right now when I read about other people's happy perfect lives. I am working hard on being content, but envy is creeping up on me all the time.

Today, we went to church and hardly anyone was there. I came home and went grocery shopping with hubby. On the way, as he is prone to do, he took me on a detour to buy new hampers for our laundry. Since the utility room is painted now (yesterday's project), he wanted new pretty hampers to go in there. I will post pics as soon as I get the trim touched up and the liners for the hampers finished.

Now I am settling down to read to the girls until choir time.

Thanksgiving Photos

2008-11-30T13:30:00.000-08:00

Tristie and Ryder

My boys playin'

Another shot of my boys

A dirty faced Harps

Ryder near a dirty wall

Proof I was there

Granddaddy, Daddy (being gross), and Tristie

Uncle Jon and Taylor

My mom

Harper, Aunt Lauren, and Tabby

Thanksgiving

2008-11-28T10:32:00.000-08:00

I will post pictures later. We had a nice Thanksgiving at my mother and father's house. It was made more nice by the fact that Mother had her portion of the meal catered and therefore wasn't stressed at all. Today we went to get paint and he talked me into a front loader washer/dryer set that was on sale. That will be our Christmas present to each other. It is nice because he is hard to shop for and this saves me racking my brain, and it will be nice to do more laundry at once to save time. Now we are painting. I am already having buyers remorse on the paint since the colors weren't perfect. I had to either go brighter than I wanted or more muted. I went with the muted tone, to be safe, because the kitchen is supposed to be spice colored and I didn't want it bright orange. We'll see how it turns out...

Downtown Holiday Jacket and Pant GIVEAWAY!!!!

2008-11-24T05:27:00.000-08:00

Downtown Holiday Jacket and Pant GIVEAWAY!!!!

Custom Camera Strap GUEST GIVEAWAY!!!!

2008-11-24T05:26:00.000-08:00

Custom Camera Strap GUEST GIVEAWAY!!!!

The Party

2008-11-16T19:31:00.000-08:00

The cake:

Me:

Me and my bro (he was helping me stuff crayons in the crayon rolls):

Tabby (my mom bought the outfits):

Tabby:

Tristie (love that face):

Tristie:

Harps (the non-progeny love of my life):

Ryder (the other non-progeny love of my life):

Another gratuitous Harps shot:

My Baby's Blanket

2008-11-16T19:06:00.000-08:00

This was my progress. I have actually made it further. I added one more row of fans and am halfway through with a row of flower motifs.

Keep in mind this needs blocking.

I can't stop working on it. I don't know if I will have another baby or if I will give this to someone else's baby or what, but it seems too sad to just frog the whole thing.

I need to apologize

2008-11-14T10:56:00.000-08:00

I feel so ungrateful for all I have and for that I am sorry. I know it is all part of the grieving process. I tried to tell my husband this morning that even though I look normal, I am not normal. I am broken and may be for some time. I am grateful that I have a beautiful family of three children and one husband, all of whom love me very much. I hope that God does something wonderful with my pain. In the meantime, forgive me my pity party and my resentment. I hope to be better soon.

It will never be okay..

2008-11-14T06:57:00.000-08:00

I know it will get easier but right now I don't think I will ever be ok. My baby died and a part of me died with it. My husband is adamant that he will not go through this again and is getting a vasectomy. Now I have a barren hole where my baby was and it will never be anything more.

Waking from my slumber

2008-11-13T07:07:00.000-08:00

I just realized last night that the girls' birthday is tomorrow! And their party is Saturday! I had left it all to my husband to handle, but he asked me to order a cake. I have always made cupcakes for every party, but he wants a cake this time. Publix makes decent cake (no lard icing), so I am going to order from there.

I have to get chips, dip, and other snacks/drinks. I have to get decorations. I also have to do some kind of goodie bag. I had intended to make something well in advance, but of course nature had other plans.

I have decided to do crayon rolls and notepads. I am going in search of fabric, interfacing, ribbon, crayons and notepads today. I will also order the cake and get the snacks.

Here is the easiest tut I found for the crayon rolls:

Now I am done...

2008-11-12T09:28:00.000-08:00

I thought I was done Sunday when I saw the ultrasound and my womb was completely "empty". Little did I know I had days of labor and suffering to look toward. Monday I went to work (church) not wanting to be alone. I had to be driven home and given drugs. I labored for 2 hours before I finally found relief. I didn't know that until my womb was truly empty, I had to have labor over and over again. The upside is that I think I delivered my baby at home. It is hard to say for sure, but my husband said that either way it is representative of my baby. I am making a garden stone, because I can't bear to bury my baby and one day have to move away. So I had to go to the hospital the next day, and my doctor and husband preferred that I have a d&c to save myself further pain and struggle. Now at least it is done and I have no more labor to look forward to. My husband was clear that he doesn't want to do this again and wants a vasectomy, but I told him I cannot discuss it now. I am just going to pray and pray. I can't direct anyone's path but my own, but I can pray.

Life's unfair

2008-11-09T17:43:00.001-08:00

My baby is in heaven after a really long weekend. Life is very unfair and sad, but ultimately I imagine God has a plan to make beauty from ashes. I look forward to His perfect plan.

A little scare...

2008-11-06T16:24:00.000-08:00

I started spotting and cramping yesterday, so I went and got a sonogram today. Everything looked great! The babies heart rate was 169. I saw movement of the arms and legs which was so neat! I want to scan the pics so I can post them but they won't scan on the printer at home.

I wonder if there is truth to the wives' tale that a high heart rate means a girl. At least I have a girl name. Tessa Elizabeth, Tessa Beth for short.

I am making a Stouffer's meal for dinner: chicken enchiladas, yum! If hubby was home, he wouldn't like it. I am just too tired to stand up and cook all night with so much cleaning to do.

Tomorrow Mom, sil and I go shopping for matching Christmas outfits for the grandkids. I really need a second day to rest, but I try not to turn Mom down too often.

Time for dinner, then off to bed!

Roseola and Fifths

2008-11-03T14:35:00.000-08:00

I got exposed to both sometime in the last two weeks, so I have to take a blood test to see if I am immune or if I contracted it recently. There is a small risk if I have never had them, and I catch them now, it could hurt the baby. They said that there is a tiny risk that it could decrease the baby's ability to produce red blood cells and require a blood transfusion in utero. I take the test in the morning.

Biting the bullet

2008-10-17T16:18:00.000-07:00

Today I put my money where my mouth is and cleaned up the girls room. They have one tiny closet for the two of them, and currently have two seasons of clothes out, since the weather cannot make up it's mind. I found a clothing rack I had bought for readying garage sale clothes and set it up in the doorway to the attic. You can still walk around it. I got all of the clothes hung up and all of my stuff off their floor (I had been sewing on their floor recently). All of their toys are in boxes in the closet. Now it still looks terrible, because both the bookshelf and headboard are full of clutter. I will tackle that when we get back in town. I have to finish laundry and pack now.

We are headed for Six Flags for two days. Dh bought us season tickets and we got free passes for this weekend. I am so excited. Clearly I can't ride rides, but I don't really care for amusement rides. I just love traveling and eating out and sleeping in hotel rooms. I plan on taking a small tripod seat and my crochet to keep me while they enjoy themselves!

Register today to win a free handbag!

2008-10-14T13:10:00.000-07:00

Win a free handbag!

Too terribly tired to post

2008-10-12T14:09:00.000-07:00

This baby is draining me of my energy. It seems I have so little energy to accomplish anything over what is absolutely necessary. There is so much to do and so little time once I work around the job and the children and the husband and the chores. I barely have time to crochet for little T, much less read one or other of the riveting novels I have been gifted.

We saw Blindness yesterday which from horrifying me with the sheer lack of civility, but I saw a preview for a movie called Doubt. Meryl Streep says to Amy Adams, "You just want things to be resolved so you can have simplicity back."

That is just how I feel.

Girls Day

2008-10-04T15:50:00.000-07:00

Since the boys went to the football game, we girls went to see the horrible chihuahua movie with friends. I just like to go to the movies, but the girls deserved for it to be their pick. Before we went, I painted all of our toenails violet (Royal Romance). I usually pick a very neutral color. In fact I think the last time I went with anything this dark was almost 8 years ago, back when I worked fulltime. I was inspired by some blog I forgot to note.

Like the shoes? I got those Friday at Rack Room shoes on clearance. I figure I can't buy a lot that will last me through the pregnancy except shoes.

Top- Kohl's
Tank- Walmart
Skirt- Gap via the thrift store
Shoes- Rack Room $12
Bag- Target $14

Fortunately a lot of my prepregnancy clothes will work since the baby doll top is in style. The skirt is cutting me in the middle though. Weirdly, I haven't gained a pound, but my stomach is straining at the seams of my skirts. Either I am bloated or everything is shifting in there, because it surely isn't the baby. I read that the baby is the size of an apple seed right now.

ABC's of Homemaking

2008-10-04T07:33:00.000-07:00

I found this on Chrysanthemama's blog and thought it would be fun.

Aprons - Y/N? If yes, what does your favorite look like?
I have only one. My dh made an apron for his grandfather and I wear it occasionally. I would like a girly one, but am waiting for the right one to grab me at the right time. I am partial to this one: http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=14920072

Baking- Favorite thing to bake? Pumpkin bread. I even got a cool pumpkin style muffin pan to make muffins in. It is my mom's recipe. I'll try to post it.

Clothes line - Y/N?
I want one but our homeowner's association forbids it, along with farm animals. While we thumb our proverbial nose at homeowners' associations, dh won't let me have a line or farm animals.

Donuts?
I only like Krispy Kreme. I would never mess with perfection.

Everyday - One homemaking thing you do everyday.
Dishes and laundry. Otherwise the house will go to pot.

Freezer - Do you use a deep freeze?
We had a spare fridge in the garage, but it went caput. It is easier for us when we stockpile meat when it is on sale, so we are looking for a new deep freezer.

Garbage Disposer Y/N?
I wish, but dh says no. Too expensive when I can just fish food out of the drains and throw them in the trash for free.

Handbook - What's your favorite homemaking resource?
Blogs and flylady.

Ironing - Love it or Hate it?
Hate it, but I rarely have to do it.

Junk Drawer - Y/N? If yes, where is it? Numerous. I have one in the kitchen, three in the nightstand, one in the bathroom, and an attic that serves as a gigantic junk drawer.

Kitchen - color & decorating scheme.
The whole house is in earthy colors. I picked a beautiful deep terra cotta for the kitchen but we have yet to paint. The rugs are orange, gold and brown. The placemats are orange, gold, beige and burgandy. The counter tops are black and the cabinets are cream.

Love - what is your favorite part of homemaking?

Mop - Y/N?
I use a special mop for laminate floors. It doesn't leave spots and has a reusable pad. I use vinegar and water to mop and it smells like clean to me.

Nylons, machine or hand wash?
I only wear footless tights and I machine wash them.

Oven - Do you use the window or open the oven to check?
Both. I never feel 100% sure until I open the window and prod the dish.

Pizza - what do you put on yours?
I love veggie pizza, pineapple pizza and now thanks to dh's carnivore ways, meat lovers.

Quiet - what do you do during the day when you get a quiet moment?
Reading my favorite blogs, reading, crocheting while watching prerecorded movies on tivo.

Recipe Card Box - Y/N?
I use a recipe book that has slip in slots for cards. But mostly it is just a repository for torn out recipes or ones written on scraps.

Style of house - what style is your house?
Custom brick suburb house. It was made for the former sheriff and his family. It has weird features like glass door knobs throughout and a room through a closet.

Tablecloths and napkins?
We do placemats and some cloth napkins. I just don't like tablecloths- too hard to keep perfect.

Under the kitchen sink - organized or toxic wasteland?
That is my husband's territory. So I say toxic wasteland, he says organized.

Vacuum - how many times per week?
Ds does it (yea!) once a week. I hate vacuuming it, which is how he inherited the chore.

Wash - how many loads of laundry do you do per week?
7 at the most. I try to go one a day, but things seem to get in the way.

Do you keep a daily list of things to do that you cross off?
When I am in a good mood. I am a list maker from childhood on.

Yard - Who does what?
Hubby mows, and ds weedeats. I remark on how nice it looks. I also pretend to care for the weed garden, but no one is fooled.

What is your last homemaking task for the day before going to bed?
Since I became pregnant, it is falling asleep on the couch and leaving the last bits for dh. Before, I would do the last bit of dishes (I do dinner dishes immediately, but if there are drink dishes or snack dishes, I do those later) and start the washer before going to bed. Then I check the dryer (it is never dry) and restart it.

Pregnancy update...

2008-10-02T15:20:00.000-07:00

I went to the ob/gyn today. He wasn't thrilled that I want a vbac. He did make some good points and we will discuss it in the future. I am officially due on June 3rd, but I didn't get an ultrasound to date it or anything. He wants to wait until there will actually be something to see so I go back in 2 weeks. I just want to confirm that it is just one baby.

He did really encourage me not to get any prenatal tests done on the baby. I don't want to, but dh wants to know. I guess I am torn because I just want my husband to be happy about this and I know he won't be happy if I refuse tests. Of course he won't be happy if there is something wrong. I just feel put in a hard place. It wouldn't change the course of my pregnancy, because for me all children are a blessing, but my dh is not in the same place as me. I wonder if extra time to process it will help him adjust. I talked to my IRL friend about it and she said we will just pray that God will change my husband's heart. I guess that is my only choice. I think I have some time before it becomes a decision.

Other stuff...

I went to the thrift store yesterday and found a pretty Cato skirt and a really cute J.Jill jumper. The jumper is a little short, but I paired it with black cropped leggings today and I think it looks nice. I got a Size 20 Venezia denim skirt that I am going to try to modify to make a maternity skirt.

I'll post pics of the clothes and progress on my christening shawl (I had to frog almost the whole thing yesterday, but at least it is right this time...).

Lastly, I leave this quote:

But what else makes a godly woman?

A godly woman is (this is from my journal this week):

-Quick to listen, slow to speak, and when she does speak, it is words of wisdom, exhortation, and love.
-An eye and an ear for others, full of care and compassion
-Calm, peaceful, free of worry or stress, calming to others
-Still (she knows that He is God)
-Fruit bearing (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faith, meekness, self-control)
-Never hurried--even when hurried! Serene, relaxed
-Flexible according to God's leading and promptings
-Puts other's plans, comforts, and desires first
-Modest in dress, behavior, and conversation
-Meek, humble, serving, and the first to ask forgiveness
-Biblical priorities are clear and in order
-Is home, focused on husband, children
-Has rest, trust, and faith in the Lord

Mrs. E.

I love her look!

2008-09-28T17:09:00.000-07:00

D'Rae

Is it rude or flattering to copy someone's look?

So I won't be losing weight after all...

2008-09-27T11:16:00.001-07:00

Weight loss!

2008-09-22T15:18:00.000-07:00

This may sound like a commercial but I am just so excited. My mother called me a week and a half ago and offered to pay for me to join L.A. Weight Loss. Everyone thinks it was really nice, but realize that she was saying that I wasn't just fat, but so fat she was willing to pay large amounts of money to fix me. I wasn't sure I wanted to. My husband insists that I work right now, and even though it is a part time job and is very flexible (I am practically my own boss)- it leaves little time for me to focus on anything other than meeting my family's needs and caring for my home. My weight was just not a priority at all. I talked it over with my husband and he said "why not?" so I said yes.

My starting weight was 195. I have been on it for one week and have lost 11.2 lbs. I am so excited. My only setback today was that I accidentally ate a piece of cake. No, this isn't one of those "I tripped and fell on it with my mouth open" jokes. I just forgot I was on the diet. I was so mad at myself because I would never have cheated at this point. I am doing great and I didn't really want cake. I had to weigh in today and they told me how to count it so I didn't mess up too bad. It uses a portion system and I had to count it as 2 starches and a fat.

I love it, love it, love it. I like how it teaches me to portion out my meals for the day and not to overeat in any one area, like starches or fats. My LAWL person told me the other day to hang in there, that the first four weeks are the hardest. I just laughed because I could eat like this forever. I do hate the 2 day "Take Off" diets, but those are few and far between.

Currently reading and working on....

2008-09-12T07:24:00.000-07:00

The Rose Grower

This caught my eye at the used bookstore the other day because of this blurb on the back:

"If Jane Austen had been french, she might well have invented the family Saint-Pierre....stylish and uniquely crafted."- The Orlando Sentinel
I am now on page 145.

Here is a bit that I liked from the book so far about Sophie the protagonist:

"Think of her: a girl with just enough education to awaken curiosity but not nearly enough to satisfy it, a woman with neither beauty nor wealth and therefore little prospect of marriage. Think of her days: the unimaginable, unavoidable drudgeries like making soap and sewing every article of clothing and linen, the tedium of winter evenings when a few expensive candles shed such poor light that the easiest (and warmest) thing to do was to go to bed. Think of her world: elsewhere, horizons were expanding -oxygen had been isolated, the Pacific had been mapped, absolute monarchy was being dismantled-but science and history filtered down to Monsignac as anecdote and rumour, easily outweighed by a village scandal or the damage caused by an early frost.
You can see why Sophie needed roses."

I found this quote by Voltaire on page 120:

"Just as bad taste in the physical sense consists in being gratified only by overly piquant or excessive seasonings, so bad taste in the arts is a matter of being pleased only by affected ornament and of not responding to natural beauty."

It was so timely as I had just discovered this blog:

Eyes of Wonder

That blog is simply the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. Her family is so beautiful that I think I might be jealous. Clearly I have not been so marred by the world's definition of beauty that I can not recognize true beauty.

I am also almost finished with both the brown and black versions of this shawl:

Half Moon Shawl

Today is a slow day because I cannot leave to do errands. The electrician is here to rewire the patio so that it might support the hot tub we got off of Craigslist. The girls made me sad because they said they would rather have lunch with me than have a hot tub. I didn't tell them that I agree, just that Daddy wants them to have this hot tub so we can have fun family times in it.

I have something special planned to make up for it. We are going to make doll clothes and work on learning to crochet after I pick them up. I have the perfect pattern for them to try:

Gecko bookmark

New Look

2008-08-30T12:26:00.000-07:00

I played for over an hour today to find the best look. I love the pretty busy designs, but they are too distracting for me. I finally settled on this as the least distracting. As a child, blue was always my favorite color, but now I am more partial to green. I think it feels more natural and healthy.

Bentos

2008-08-19T19:03:00.000-07:00

Bentos

More Bentos

I am obsessed with packing lunches, because how else can a former homeschool mom show her kiddos she loves them while they are at school.

I have made:

M-Mixed bean stew with cottage cheese dumplings (yum!) and saltines
T-Chicken noodle soup with homemade cornbread muffins
W-Egg muffins (quiche baked into muffin shapes) with honey butter biscuits
Th-Chicken quesadillas
F-We buy our food because we eat with MOMMY!!

It is fun to go beyond sandwiches and it makes me feel like they know I love them when they open their boxes.

Can I admit though my lunch love hasn't been as appreciated by the high schooler? He said everyone thinks his lunch looks like "puke" every day, but he did say it was yum and he ate it all. Maybe that is all I can expect from a boy that yells No when I hug him.

Currently reading and watching...

2008-08-19T18:47:00.000-07:00

I just finished reading this to the children:
It made me cry as I was reading it. It does deal with some matter that some wouldn't want to expose their children to (ie a girl dies, her alcoholic father is abusive, a boy is homeless, etc), but I thought it was a great book with a wonderful lesson about being open to love.

I am currently reading this myself. It is book 5. I have read 1-4. It is very much in the same vein as the Harry Potter. If you didn't object to the magic portrayed in the book, you would surely object to the portrayal of all adult characters as either evil or inept. But I do find them enjoyable light reading for myself at bedtime.

I have just discovered Netflix's "Watch Instantly" option. I watched this on and off for the last two days. I know it was intended to be a negative movie, but I was moved by the young children's commitment to God, even if they were slightly naive (what is childhood without a touch of naivite?). I would be sad to have to watch them changed by the world, because their motives seem so pure at this time.

Dh wanted to take the kids to see Clone Wars. I chose to go alone to see this:

I had no idea what it was about since the library's only copy has been out since I saw the preview. I was surprised that it was about faith. I found that the movie seemed to want faith to be the enemy, but I came away with a different perspective. I was surprised after doing a little wikipedia research to find that the author's intent wasn't to discredit faith. I look forward to reading it to compare and contrast what I saw in the movie.

Fields of Gold Frock GIVEAWAY!!!!

2008-08-03T07:15:00.000-07:00

Fields of Gold Frock GIVEAWAY!!!!

Fabulous giveaway for gorgeous children's clothes!

Great ideas!

2008-07-21T13:39:00.001-07:00

http://sixblessings.blogspot.com/2007/06/whats-for-dinner.html

Fabulous idea for dinner or even chore chart!

What a blessing...God's beautiful fishies!

2008-07-19T09:02:00.001-07:00

I love to wake up and look at this beautiful scene. Our fish tank is right beside our bed. The light is on a timer and it wakes me gently each morning. We have two perc clown fish (the orange), two clark clowns (the yellow), a yellow tang, a sailfin tang (striped), a blue dory, a blennie and a goby (sp?), multiple anemones, a red starfish, a choc chip starfish, 3 shrimp and numerous crabs and snails, including 2 emerald crabs.

More encouragement on the web...

2008-07-19T08:52:00.001-07:00

http://www.lainesletters.com/letters/private.html

Not just encouraging in my heartbreak of only having 3 kids, but encouragement to keep my "loose lips" shut.

There is a lot going on in my church and I find myself wanting to say something to stop what I see as wrong direction. My husband councils me to keep out of church politics. I am trying. I had hoped that what was true would be evident to everyone, but I worry that people are easily deceived.

When it comes to attacks on me, I pray and if I haven't wronged the person, I stay silent. I figure that people talking about me only reflects poorly on them and I don't have to defend myself when I haven't done anything wrong. But I feel that I have to say something when others are wrongly attacked- I feel I should at least give the attackee a heads up as to what is being said so that they can correct or defend themselves as they see fit. It is just wrong when this behavior takes place in a church. Of course it is wrong anywhere, but it is especially disheartening to see bad behavior by those who profess to love Jesus.

Marriage Pop Quiz from A Mom Just Like You

2008-07-17T13:45:00.000-07:00

"1. Do you make some time each day to focus on your husband alone, talking to him about his day, his needs, his joys and frustrations?

2. Do you focus on your role as helpmeet, rather than thinking of your husband as someone to help you?

3. Do you communicate to him admiration and respect, and verbally praise and encourage him?

4. Do you try to learn more about the things that interest him, so you can fully be a part of his world?

5. Do you encourage him in his role as leader of the family, and are you willing to follow him when he does lead?

6. Do the two of you go out by yourselves sometimes, even if it is just to a fast food restaurant for coffee?

7. Do you do your part to keep your sex life healthy, strong and exciting?"

I definitely need this reminder this week. I have fallen short in many areas. Thankfully he loves me despite my shortcomings.

"A Mom Just Like You"

2008-07-16T20:15:00.000-07:00

I am reading this book by Vickie Farris and her daughter, Jayme Farris Metzgar. I found encouragement in the second chapter by these words,

"I can think of few things more difficult for a mother than doing something she believes is not God's best for her children. If you are in this situation, be comforted that God rewards those who obey Him. I believe that home education has been successful for this very reason - it is God's way, and God's ways work. However, for mothers whose husbands have forbidden them to home school, God's way is to submit to your husband. Just as we homeschooling mothers need to obey God and trust Him with the results, so you, in obeying God by obeying your husband, can trust Him to take care of your children."

It helps to hear that God will take care of my children as they enter public school this year. I feel like I need to cry out, "Lord, help me with my unbelief." I can't put God in a box and say that the evils of public school are mightier than He is. I have such fears about what school will introduce my daughters to, based on what I was exposed to as a young woman. I blame the poor choices of my young adulthood on my parent's not sheltering me better, but I am sure there is more to it than just their decision to put me in public school.

My parents made many mistakes with me as I am sure I will make many with my own children. I just hate to make the same mistakes as were made with me. For example, I will never ever leave my husband. The legacy of divorce is on my head through no fault of my own (or my mother's). My parents didn't divorce, but they did separate several times. It rocked my young world to discover that you could count on someone for everything and they might just one day leave because they didn't "love" you anymore. This has devastated my ability to form healthy relationships, which I believe God in now in the process of healing. My relationship with my husband has been saved by my own salvation.

My mom took the girls and I shopping for school clothes today. Just the process of shopping for school clothes brought up so many fears in me. I wish my husband was a believer and understood the importance of sheltering. I will still do my best to provide a firm foundation to stand on. I know it is possible to grow into a Godly woman even going through public school. So many of the women I admire now did just that. It is just a challenge that has to be faced. I will pray both for their spiritual/emotional/physical safety and for my husband's mind to change. I will drive them to school and pick them up, no matter how convenient the bus would be. I will have lunch with them once a week at least and volunteer at the school as much as possible to be a witness to what they face. I will seek out Godly mothers with similar convictions, so that my children can find friends with similar upbringings. I will hope and trust in my Lord, and pray, "Lord, help me with my unbelief!" May He teach me that I can have faith in Him and that His will shall be done!

Something to encourage...

2008-07-14T18:36:00.000-07:00

Bek's Blog: Joshua24v15

I found this post and thought it was encouraging. I remember when the twins were born, I literally cried every single day for the first six months. I remember being paranoid the neighbors could hear me through the baby monitor since I sometimes picked up their calls. Then it occurred to me that if they could hear me losing it every single day and never came over to help, they were not worth worrying about. That is how I knew it got easier. By the second six months, I was only crying every other day. By the 3rd six months, I was only crying once a week and after 18 months, I was maybe crying once a month (of course, by then, I was being treated for ppd). It helps to know that someone else has had it worse, so it will be ok.

Making Your Home a Haven Monday with Biblical Womanhood

2008-07-14T13:08:00.000-07:00

1. Refresh Your Spirit
Today I am finishing Ruth and reading Proverbs 14 (I try to read the Proverbs chapter that corresponds with the date each day). I was struck by one verse in Proverbs 14, v.23: All hard work brings a profit, but mere talk leads only to poverty. It is easy to blog about my life, but much harder to live it. I am sure Ruth didn't find her duties easy or pleasurable, but she did them. I need to do the same in my life. I find that I allow my physical maladies to excuse me from my duties on a regular basis. That is neither Godly nor wise.

2. Morning Routine
This currently consists of:
Making the bed...done
Doing the dishes...done
Doing the laundry...done
Tidying...done
Wiping the kitchen and bathroom...done
Taking out the trash...done
Prepping dinner (usually defrosting meat)...done

3. Take Time to Plan
To Do Today
Meet Elizabeth at park to let her take girls for a playday...done
Babysit nephews all day long...doing
Get some paperwork done for church preschool...saving this for after babysitting
Clean bathrooms...saving this for after babysitting

4. What's on the Menu for Dinner
It was tacos, but I suggested switching Friday night's dinner to tonight and hubby agreed, so it is Breakfast! Yummy (the best part is he likes to cook breakfast so all I do is the prep work and the dishes!)!

5. Project for the Day
My main area and kitchen stay tidy as per daddies orders, but I will try to post before and after of the bathrooms when I get finished. Plus I have to vacuum since big bro is out of town (bathrooms and vacuuming are his chores normally for summer months)

4th of July tops finished!

2008-07-14T12:18:00.000-07:00

Just in time too! I was finishing the second and making star barrettes for their hair while we did the time share seminar and someone mentioned that it was the 4th. I was totally freaked out. But I got it done and they wore it to dinner and to watch fireworks that night on the bay. This is my very first time actually finishing a wearable in time for them to wear it. Hubby liked them and that made me feel really happy. I think my crochet can annoy him when he never sees any finished products.

I am now working on fish themed tops as well as a blanket for my bed. WIP pics to come soon.

Blog Mission Tour at Becoming Me!

2008-07-14T11:46:00.000-07:00

Becoming Me is hosting a bloggy tour where we are to post our own mission statement. I hardly feel qualified to have a mission statement since no one reads my blog, but I do have a purpose to why I blog, so I will post that:

My purpose in blogging is to examine my life from a spiritual perspective privately here in public (my tongue in cheek reference to the fact that no one reads my blog), to express my heartfelt desire to become a woman who pleases God, to encourage those who might happen by who struggle feeling they are the only imperfect moms/wives/women out there, and to document my day to day attempts to improve myself for God’s glory. I do promise to be more consistent in my posting, put my family’s needs (including my husband’s need for the house to be tidy) first before reading or posting, not post negative things about others except in an abstract non-specific sense, and to attempt to glorify God in all that I say or show.

Can I vent privately here in public?

2008-07-08T16:17:00.001-07:00

I am so tired of people wanting things from me. I am one person. I do not have time for endless meetings and appointments and playdates and assignments. Ugh. Please do not ask anything of me anymore. This excludes my husband and children. This is for the rest of the world pick pick picking away at my soul...

Guess where we may go...

2008-05-19T13:30:00.001-07:00

Thank you Holly for your prayer!

2008-04-08T13:41:00.000-07:00

Blest Be the Tie That Binds

 Blest be the tie that binds 
 our hearts in Christian love; 
 the fellowship of kindred minds 
 is like to that above. 
 
 Before our Father's throne 
 we pour our ardent prayers; 
 our fears, our hopes, our aims are one, 
 our comforts and our cares. 

 We share each other's woes, 
 our mutual burdens bear; 
 and often for each other flows 
 the sympathizing tear. 

 When we asunder part, 
 it gives us inward pain; 
 but we shall still be joined in heart, 
 and hope to meet again.

My babies can read!

2008-04-06T20:30:00.000-07:00

And ride a "two-wheeler" (ie a bike with no training wheels). They taught themselves to ride a few weeks ago, but they blew me away yesterday when they started reading after we bought them some Bob books in a garage sale. They have read 3 books so far and can't wait to try number 4 tomorrow!

Ugh! Soccer mom I am not!

2008-03-28T12:23:00.000-07:00

I feel like a "soccer mom". Someone once said that being referred to as a soccer mom isn't a compliment. I actually didn't know that. I actually thought it was an aspiration of every suburban mom to be a "soccer mom." I did know that I didn't want to be one - basically a chauffeur shuffling your kids from activity to activity. I have done it while we were homeschooling and it was a miserable semester. I got convinced by the emotional saboteurs in my life that Tay needed more socialization. Wrong, wrong, wrong! But it bought me a semester of exhaustion.

This week, I went back to work after Spring Break (being interim director and 4k teacher for my church's small mdo). I have been thrilled to see the kids again. I do love them like they are extended family. I do love teaching my own dds. I do not love the millions of admin duties nor do I love dealing with adults who act like children. I am tired from the emotional draining that comes with working out of the house at a fast pace surrounded by children who are not my own. It drains me.

To top it off, Tay has had track practice two days this week and a track meet one day. I kept my nephew 3 days instead of the normal 2 since his mom/my sil was trying to get ready for his party. And Tay and I are in the church play (which is to raise money for missions) and have had rehearsals every night this week. Not to mention, dh was out of town one night this week. Lastly, I like a dummy, got suckered into keeping nursery for the mother's group (of course this means I am with my girls) because they never have enough nursery help. I don't know what lapse of judgment I had in committing to any of this, much less all of this, but I clearly don't make wise decisions.

Today I worked nursery, had to come home and bathe the dog and her crate because she had diarrhea from the meat dh fed her against my pleas, had to get the girls ready for their first Upward Soccer practice (daddy is the coach) tonight, had to get Tay's and my costume/makeup/hair stuff ready for tonight and as soon as Tay gets home, we leave to go to the church to get ready for the show. Dh will pick up the girls from church to go to soccer.

It is also my nephew's birthday today and I haven't even started making his gift (a mickey mouse height chart) for his party on Sunday. But I did purchase a mirror since I will be doing face painting for his party.

I sound very much like a person I am not.

I just want to stay home, read my Bible, teach my girls, clean my house, etc. so why do I keep making choices that are counterproductive to that goal.

Just can't do it today...

2008-03-18T14:32:00.001-07:00

I went to bed with such positive aspirations, but awoke in the middle of the night to Tabby telling me she was throwing up. I held her on the couch all night and when she finally felt better this morning, I went back to sleep. So I got a very late start on everything. I did make delicious french toast for a late breakfast, complete with syrup and powdered sugar. I had been craving it for a week and since Tabby was feeling better, I decided to do it. Can you believe I have never made french toast for the girls before? Taylor and I used to eat it weekly!

After breakfast I did the girls' Bible reading and devotional (we are currently doing Right Choices by Kenneth Taylor) and then we read a couple of chapters out of the latest chapter book. Then they wanted to paint.

I tried to get to either the garage (yesterday's assignment) or the bedroom (today's), but I just couldn't motivate myself. So I had a cup of tea and brought out the laundry basket. I normally sort, fold and put away all of the clothes immediately. However, there is one exception. When we are changing seasons, I tend to not sort, fold, and put away the girls' clothes. This is because both girls share one tiny closet (no bigger than a coat closet) and they have too many clothes anyway. So there is no room to put anything but the current seasons' clothes and I still haven't boxed up their winter clothes yet. Why? Because it periodically is still winter here. But it is also spring here half the time. So the new (to us) spring clothes have been piling up in the laundry basket waiting to be put away.

I am reluctant to put up the garage stuff also, because there is no room in the attic and it is going to be a huge chore to get space in there for it. So I have at least folded and hung up all the girls clothes that were in the laundry, and maybe tomorrow I can tackle the rest.

Btw, dh was surprised that the girls were wanting to learn to ride a two wheeler, so he made them change into jeans and worked with them for over an hour last night.

Forgot to say...

2008-03-17T15:51:00.000-07:00

I did finish my Bible study and at least part of my Beth Moore study, and I even prayed. I even did Bible and devotion with the girls. Tomorrow, I might even get further. ..

Spring Clean 2008 Day 1

2008-03-17T11:26:00.000-07:00

Today I have to tackle the car and my part of the garage. The car is just filthy and in desperate need of a hard scrubbing more inside than out. The garage is just cluttered with my stuff from the garage sale and it needs to be moved to the attic, since the garage is dh's space and needs to be returned to him.

I do have to finish cleaning the upstairs carpets since sil wants her carpet cleaner machine back today. So that is task 1, then the van (since that also uses the cleaner), then the garage. Meanwhile I have my nephew with us today, and ds is out of school for spring break, so I have 4 kids racing about my feet while I get this done. Tabby is running a fever, probably from one of the millions of viruses running about at church. All this amongst my normal chores and I cannot even get my Bible study done. I am currently following Anna's suggestion of writing the Bible out by hand. I try to do a chapter a day, but almost never accomplish it. I am in 1 Corinthians 14 today. Plus I have to do my daily work on my Beth Moore study. And pray.

Here is the before of the van (the outside got a good cleaning last week so I didn't tackle it):
My dh makes me keep it tidy, but it is usually filthy.

And here is the after:
I took out the mats and shampoo'd them. I vacuumed everywhere. I cleaned the seats with upholstery cleaner and sprayed down the entire van with lysol. Then I sprayed and wiped down all the plastic parts and put the removable trays through the dishwasher.

Not much difference that you can tell, but it smells way better. I had a number of catastrophes happen while trying to clean. The carpet cleaning machine was lacking one piece to do upholstry so I just ended up getting water and some dog hair (spit out by the machine - sil and bro have two Westies that really shed) on the seat and floor. I ended up using some Woolite fabric cleaner and a sponge. I also used Glass Plus all over the plastic parts, but the spray nozzle broke and I just had to drizzle it everywhere. Most of the time I was cleaning I kept poking my head up and yelling, "Where's Harper?" or "No, Harper!" at my nephew. A two year old can be quite a challenge to clean with.

Meanwhile we started a new batch of egg salad as we ate the last bit we had left for lunch (we made some last weekend with the eggs we dyed at school and it has been a big hit at lunch around here). Notice anything off about the stamp on these eggs we got last week? "Best by Apr 04" I hope that was a mistake or we might all die from this batch of egg salad.

Tab was finally feeling better so she came out to join us. Then the girls worked together to teach Tabby how to ride a two wheeler to "surprise Daddy".

I still haven't tackled the garage. I have too much daily stuff left to do. I think I will have to work that in tomorrow, since the day is almost up. BTW, sil forgot to pack extra clothes or wipes so poor Harps is half naked and has been wiped with wet paper towels all day. Sigh...

Spring Clean 2008

2008-03-17T08:25:00.000-07:00

Post your schedule and your progress and enter to win a purse, an apron, and a Pledge duster, Crock Pot recipes from Gooseberry Patch, a homemade dish cloth and some Satin Hands.

Here's my schedule. I direly need the motivation since I just want to lay in bed for a whole week and veg.

Spring Clean 2008
My part of the garage and van (not allowed to mess in dh's part) - March 17
Master Bedroom - March 18
Master Bathroom and closet - March 19
Kitchen - March 20
Den and Dining Room - March 21
Hall, foyer and stairwell - March 22
Kids' Bathroom - March 24
Tay's Room - March 25
Girls Room - March 26
Attic (this is a disaster!) - March 27, 28, 29, 31

The Simple Woman is having a giveaway!

2008-03-16T16:04:00.000-07:00

http://thesimplewoman.blogspot.com/2008/03/spring-nest-cleaning-gift-away.html

Post your favorite chore and you might win a beautiful apron, Mrs. Meyer's Clean Day dish soap, a cute wood knob scrub brush, and a subscription to the Simple Woman's ezine. That is worth a few moments surely!

Quilt and Gift Certificates Giveaway at Old Red Barn Co.

2008-03-16T16:01:00.000-07:00

http://oldredbarnco.blogspot.com/2008/03/giving-away-quilt.html

Check it out and enter to win.

One last thing...

2008-03-14T14:03:00.000-07:00

After explaining the true meaning of Easter during chapel, all the kids wanted to talk about why we hide eggs. I explained that eggs are a symbol of new life, and how Jesus came back to life and how we have a new life through him. My daughter had her own a-ha moment, however imaginary. She said, "I know why we hide eggs, it is because they hided Jesus in the tomb!" I said yes, because it was just so sweet.

A modge podge of things...

2008-03-14T07:46:00.000-07:00

First off, I finished Before Green Gables, which was a wonderful book. I haven't been able to read a book through in a long time due to stress, but this book was so easy to get into and allowed me to escape into Anne's world for a brief time each evening. I am now ready to reread the original series to see how well the author did of capturing the "true Anne".

Sunday, we went to the church Easter egg hunt. I was grateful that we buy all of the girls' clothes used since they got filthy after the hayride (the tractor was covered in mud). During the egg hunt, Taylor took some of the eggs that the girls found and rehid them for some of the kids who didn't have as many. I was really proud that he was that thoughtful. The girls got their faces painted as a kitty cat and a puppy dog. They had a trampoline, games, snacks, and pony rides. It was a lot of fun.

My second week as director ended with me exhausted. We had a wonderful Easter party for all the children.
We had Easter stories, both the bunny kind and the "true Easter story". We dyed Easter eggs, painted salt dough crosses the children had made and baked the day before, and each child got their faces painted (by moi).
We ate lunch and sang chapel songs, then we went outside for the Easter egg hunt (the eggs were filled with gold coins which the children exchanged at the end of the party for a goody bag filled with candy and treats). I tried not to include pictures that would show other children. After the hunt we had a party complete with parachute games, bubble blowing, snacks and treats. I sent the teachers home afterwards and cleaned up alone. It took forever and I was exhausted. So much so that I cried last night to my dh that I just didn't think I could do this. He did his best to encourage me, because honestly we really need the money right now. I am hoping to just fulfill my commitment through the end of summer, then come home and hopefully homeschool the girls. I am essentially doing so now, though I am not doing it at home and I am also schooling the other 7 children in class.

Taylor is doing well in track. He came in 3rd in his first race at the first meet (he's in blue), but last in his second race. I spent the entire time before the meet preaching to him and his fellow teammates, that it takes no character be the fastest, but it takes lots of character to finish when you are last. The fastest runner won't necessarily be the most successful in life, but the one with the best character will be. I think Tay heard me. He clapped and cheered for the last runner in every race, and kept a good spirit even after finishing last in his race. Some days I find him intolerable and on others he can be such a joy. I guess that is part of being a teen.

I have a small brag that I don't think I posted about yet. He was one of twenty students from the entire school invited to a writer's workshop last week. He was chosen by his GRC teacher (gifted class) for his skill in writing. I was really encouraged to hear someone else recognize his ability to write. He hates to read fiction and hates to write essays, but he really gets into writing fiction. When he has to turn in 2 pages, he will write 10.

Things are really tough since I have turned over all the money dealings to dh. We don't exactly see eye to eye on what is important enough to spend money on. Currently I have to call and ask whenever I spend money. It makes me frustrated. I hope that he loosens up a bit when things become less tight. I had to get some white sandals for the girls for Easter. He wanted the cheapest, but they had a tiny heel and were open toe-$4 each. I thought they looked a little grown for them. Since I made a profit on the garage sale (sold more than I spent), he let me get the slightly more expensive ones for them with a flat heel and closed toe (perfect to wear with lacy socks on Sunday morning) $12 each. It was really hard walking through Target with no money to spend. I saw a pretty skirt for me for only $10, but I didn't even call. Maybe he will take me shopping this weekend and I can find a couple of things since spring weather is upon us (when it doesn't schizophrenically switching to freezing). I only started wearing skirts/dresses only in September, so 90% of my dresses/skirts are fall and winter. I haven't worked a real job since 2001, so I really had no need for dresses/skirts since then. Oddly enough, dh just realized that I was skirts/dresses only. It wasn't something I discussed with him. And he only noticed because he felt I was "outdressing" him.

I am looking forward to Spring Break next week. I will be able to get some hours in at work, but without all the other children(my kids, of course will come and help me), so maybe I can get the place into shape before school gets back. I am most excited about the bookcase I bought so that I can organize the school's workbooks and storybooks. Maybe after this week, I will get things so organized that it won't be so hard on me. The point was made that I was really taking over for two people who didn't do their job since the previous 4k teacher hadn't really been teaching the kids much and the previous director had let everything go (and I do mean everything- she didn't check the voice mail two weeks before she quit)- the previous director taught the babies which is infinitely less work than teaching 4k. I am going to get off the computer now and get this house in order. I suspect dh will want quesadillas again tonight so I need to be ready. He is taking ds to OmegaCon this weekend and I am hoping he will let me take the girls to see "Horton Hears a Who"- we have read the book twice this week at school during storytime. I also need to start one of our new books I just got for the girls and I to read together (by exchanging a book I bought earlier that was the wrong book)- Mrs. Frisby and the Rats of Nimh and The Tale of Despereaux (there is a mouse theme here). I also have a week's worth of Bible study lessons to complete since I am totally behind (I am doing Beth Moore's Breaking Free study). Adios!

Lots of Drama today

2008-02-28T12:59:00.001-08:00

I guess a lot of people will think less of me, but I was asked again to interview for the job. I did and I got it. My justification was that I will be the girls teacher so they will be with me all day long. It is going to be a big job, but it is only temporary. I committed to work through the end of summer. By doing so I can quit every single other job. I actually think I will have lots more time at home since this job will only be worked during the day instead of nights and weekends. There are a lot of hard feelings about me being hired since I don't have a degree or any training, but I am going to rise above and concentrate on making this a wonderful program for the children and do it to God's glory. My first order of business is to institute a prayer and devotional time for the teachers each morning.

I have to get my clothing priced to sell at the consignment sale tomorrow- drop off is tonight. I don't really have much together, but hopefully I can get enough done tonight to pay for what I need to buy.

My heart is still turned towards home, but I think this will solve a lot of problems for dh and I, and after summer I can return home with no bills and a surplus in the savings and focus totally on being a wife, mother and keeper at home. I don't intend to let anything slide in the meantime, except maybe my crafts.

The boy loves shoes!

2008-02-24T17:49:00.001-08:00

Last week my nephew was obsessed with wearing the girls' shoes around the house:

We love him so much. He is the next best thing to another baby. Well, him and his brother, now!

More finished objects! (clickable pics)

2008-02-23T11:40:00.001-08:00

This was a special order to match some crib bedding from Target. I got to pick the design and the monkey just really caught my attention.

This was also a special order. This woman wanted a banner for her father's birthday party. She said he liked fishing. I liked this design and was almost done before my dh realized I was painting a trout and as he said, "There's no trout fishing in Alabama! That needs to be a bass!" ?? How was I to know? I don't fish! So I tried to bass- it up, but dh said the mouth never did look right. Hopefully her dad wasn't so attentive to detail. Next time I will know to ask and start off with the right fish, because apparently it is hard to turn a trout into a bass.

Valentine's Day

2008-02-22T16:38:00.000-08:00

Us girls all got candy and flowers. I wanted to show how sweet the girls looked in their funky outfits:

Tay just got candy, no flowers. Here he is digging into a box of Mardi Gras fun from one of dh's coworkers.

Frugal Friday- Homemade haircuts!

2008-02-22T09:37:00.000-08:00

Tay had to have his picture taken for the track team and was in desperate need of a haircut.

I have for years been cutting my and the girls' hair (in all of our cases it is mostly just trimming and shaping since we all favor long hair and are desperate for the girls to get some length). This is the first time since Tay was 2 that I tried cutting his hair. I think I did fantastic! I used a pair of hair cutting scissors that I purchased at CVS. I don't have any training. I think this is a great skill to develop considering the high cost of haircuts. Afterwards, at church, a dad commented how he missed his mom cutting his hair and how he would really appreciate saving the $18 he spends on getting his haircut now. I asked dh if he would buy me clippers and let me practice on him and he said no way!

Before (pics are clickable):
After:

I would have cut more, but poor Tay was too scared to let me go any farther with it. I think I was having too much fun.

Clarity...

2008-02-22T09:30:00.000-08:00

I happened upon an essay that moved me in my struggle for contentment without working. How can we possibly sell out our children for any reason?

http://www.mothersmovement.org/essays/05/j_gullion_0504.htm

Marx says that we are being exploited for our labor. It doesn’t matter how much money you make. The money part is irrelevant because no matter how much we make we are being exploited. We are disposable drones, punching in, punching out, selling our time., selling our souls. Agreeing that we would rather make money than be with our families. We would rather make money than care for our kids. We would rather sit at our desks watching our children over the internet.

I got a new nephew!

2008-02-22T09:24:00.001-08:00

The handsome nephew (delicious, eh?):My brother:
My sil and I:
Me holding the baby:
My dds were absolutely so jealous! I heard for hours how I loved the new baby more than them...
Ds was there also with little reaction- he is such a teenager:

Tristie's a big girl now and a big snow in January!

2008-02-21T14:16:00.000-08:00

Look who lost her first tooth:

This actually happened January 12th, but I wasn't having a very bloggy month. It was huge for her. She got a "gold" dollar under her pillow. Sister was more than a little jealous since she is "older" (by one minute) and therefore supposed to lose the first tooth (according to her).
Also in the month of January, the girls experienced their first snow. It was all of 4 hours long, then it melted but it was long enough to run around and have snowball fights and make their first snowman. Tay actually stayed in his room, expecting it to last longer and he barely got to see it before it melted.

Thad pelting me and laughing:

Tristie pelting me and laughing:
Tabby pelting me and laughing:
The only proof that I was there:
Daddy and sissies collecting snow from the cars for more snowballs:

Our backyard:

The infamous snowman (who lasted for 36 hours):

Our neighbor joined in the fun:

So did the pup in her new winter coat:

Now that I am back...

2008-02-20T12:06:00.000-08:00

We had a really rough time for the last month and I just couldn't bring myself to blog. I find that just about every single problem in my life has resulted from my own sin, and this was no exception. However, I am back and ready to move on. I am hopefully changing in such a way that my life will continue to go smoother from here on out.

I am hoping that through God's blessings, I can quit working in May altogether except my painting, bows, and crochet items I sell. Right now my only "jobs" are working in the church nursery one morning and two evenings a week, cleaning my mom's office once a week, and working nursery for a mom's group two mornings a month. I do all of this with my kids so I still consider myself a "sahm". I am also still subbing at preschool on the condition that my dds can stay in the room with me (regardless of what age I am put with). I do keep my nephew (and soon will be keeping #2 as well), but I don't count that as a job even though they pay me because I would do it for free and I give that money straight to dh (it goes in an emergency fund in case Harper breaks or damages something).

My plan involves my bills to be paid off in 3 months so I can concentrate totally on being a "keeper at home". I have been sorely tempted though. The director of the MDO quit and I would be hired to have her job (a HUGE boon in income) if I applied. I almost did and three hours before the interview I withdrew my application. I know I am capable and would do a fantastic job- all the parents want me to do it, but I can't do it without cost to my precious children and right now they need me 100%. This job would be very close to full time (it is 30 hours a week), but I think it would consume so much more from me. It is hard to walk away from an opportunity that I know I would excel at and which would pay my bills off in one month, so I am having angst. I know that just because I would do a fantastic job, doesn't mean that the job would do fantastic things for me. So I am trying very hard to let it go.

Anyhow, here are two finished objects. One is a scarf I made for my sister in law. It is unusual colors but I just liked them together. I finished it back in January but just never got around to posting it.

The other is a birthday banner ordered from a member of the multiples club for her niece. I finished this in January also.

I got an award!

2008-02-20T11:52:00.000-08:00

Thank you Nan! Sorry I was so late in seeing it.

Seriously...

2008-01-22T08:28:00.000-08:00

Tay missed the bus and I had to get up to take him. Hubby urged me to go ahead while he waited with the girls so they wouldn't have to get out. I knew I needed gas, but I was hoping I could make it. Soooooooooooooo I end up about a mile from home in my pajamas, dead out of gas, with no cell phone. My husband is one of those people who imagines everyone is a responsible adult and won't do foolish things like driving around on empty to save money. I had to flag a passerby to borrow a phone to call my husband, who comes out in the rain with the girls and puts gas in my car only to find that my battery is dead. I turned my lights off as soon as the motorist stopped for me (I had my hazards on to aid in the flagging down bit) so I don't think the battery dying is my fault. He jumps my battery and follows me home, but clearly he is unhappy with me and perhaps with the world in general. We already fought on Sunday because he stepped in doggie poo while I was at church, which of course was my fault because I haven't signed the dog up for potty training classes, also due to a lack of money. I am just really flusterated (as my girls say). I do actually have some F.O.s to show, but I haven't the heart to upload them. Maybe after some caffeine and time...

My Birthday

2008-01-08T11:31:00.000-08:00

My birthday was Sunday. We went out on Saturday because that worked better for all of us. First, they all went off to give me some alone time, during which I cleaned and relaxed. The kids voted to take me to P.F. Chang's. There was a hour and a half wait when we got there, but some guy offered me his place on the waiting list because we had the same number in our parties, so we got in in less than 30 minutes. We had fun and I put my and the girls' hair up with our chopsticks during dinner (this is a new skill I have mastered which is very convenient for storing crochet hooks or pens).

Afterwards, we dropped the kids off with my mom and went to see Atonement, which was just so tragic I couldn't bear it. I cried on and off through the whole movie.

Sunday, they all woke me up with breakfast in bed (a tradition in our house). They gave me my gifts-- 2 sets of pajamas, a $50 gift card to Barnes and Nobles, a pink leather case for my Zune, a car charger/holder for my Zune, these two books:

and these boots:

Honestly, my hubby went overboard. I was blown away.

We went to church, then had to come back for Taylor's confirmation class. Then it was time for my gift from my mom-- She got me and the girls tickets to see Annie with her!! We went and picked her up and drove to the theatre. Tabby fell asleep shortly into the second act, but Tristie stayed awake almost all the way to the end. She just missed the arrest and finale. They loved it and I was so excited to share my love for the theatre with them.

When we dropped my mother off, she gave me a "small gift" (her words for "I can't stand to just give tickets so I got you something to open") from her and dad. It was the DVD Amazing Grace. I still have yet to watch it. I am saving it for a calm day when I can focus.

Anyhow, it was a great birthday and I felt very loved and appreciated. Taylor even picked up the dog poop for the day. That was a big wow!

Not catching up and taking charge of my health this year

2008-01-07T10:49:00.000-08:00

I just can't catch up on what I missed blogging about, but suffice it to say we had a very nice Christmas and New Year's. There always are stressors, and this year they were exacerbated by my health. I can't even move on to make New Year Resolutions this year (something I love to do) until I get my health under control. My symptoms are so general that no amount of research on my part can find the answer to what is wrong with me, but I did find some tips on how to better address finding a solution to "what ails me". To go to the doctor at this point would be to invite the diagnosis of anxiety or depression, both of which are true diagnoses for me, but neither of which can explain the sudden change in symptoms or their longevity.

Here is my plan:

1. Care for my health in a more proactive way-

a. Limit caffeine to one tea a day
b. Regulate my sleep cycle by getting up on time and going to bed on time (when I fail to do this, I end up with insomnia, which intensifies symptoms)
c. Limit sugar and simple carbs as much as possible (choose fruits and veggies whenever I can)
d. Spend 30 minutes outside every day
e. Get cardio exercise a minimum of 15 minutes a day

2. Chart my symptoms everytime I experience them for at least two weeks.

Maybe that will make a difference.

I do have real NYresolutions that reflect more than my health (my relationship with God, my marriage, my parenting, my homekeeping, my outreach, etc) and I am working on hammering those out while I put these resolutions into place. With better health, I should be better prepared to improve on those other areas of my life as well.

A little down, but getting better

2008-01-03T13:21:00.000-08:00

I have been neglectful to finish blogging about Christmas because things have been a little rough. The stress of Christmas always seems to affect our relationship in a negative way and I haven't wanted to blog while in such a down mood. I think things are slowly returning to normal. I hope so, since my birthday is Sunday. I would like it if things could be better again by that point.

Frugal and crafty mom strikes again!

2007-12-27T13:00:00.000-08:00

We ran out of Christmas wrapping paper, so I did what any frugal and crafty mom would do... I reached for the nearest catalog and tore out all the pages with Christmas sheets on them and wrapped the remaining gifts in those. It took some splicing but no one even noticed on Christmas Eve that it wasn't wrapping paper...

The Night Before Christmas (Eve)

2007-12-27T12:38:00.000-08:00

We have a tradition that, on Christmas Eve, we drive around looking at Christmas lights. This year hubby wanted to shake things up a little. He decided that only Santa gifts are on Christmas day so he wanted us to open family gifts on Christmas Eve. This lead to bumping our light seeking excursion back to the 23rd (his birthday- we celebrated that the night before with dinner at the Melting Pot-a fondue restaurant- and seeing I am Legend- which was really nice for a zombie type movie- it actually had a God affirming message, which pleasantly surprised me, but I digress...).

We headed to where I used to live before we got married and hit the jackpot immediately. Then we went to our old firestation and got out so the kids could play on all the things they had set up (just like Tay used to when he was a babe).
Even Dad and Tay got in on the action:
Proof I was there (A comment about my outfit- I did say to dh before we left, "I realize I look like a hobo, but we won't be getting out of the car..." Uh hum. Well, I was wrong... It was really cold in my house that day hence the sweatshirt and fuzzy socks paired with the nice skirt and dressy shoes.):
Then we came upon this street that seemed like it was a part of that movie where the neighbors compete over their Christmas decor:This is a close up of one of the houses:

There were even carollers with electric guitars and mics on one front yard:

All in all it was a really fun night for all of us!

Last Day of School

2007-12-26T17:24:00.000-08:00

I wanted to show the cute canvases I had the kids make for their parents. We attached ribbons to the back for hanging. I figured it was ok to post since all of their faces are covered except my daughter and my friend's son. The kids loved them. (They are supposed to be reindeer faces in case you couldn't tell.)

Maybe tomorrow I will have time to blog about Christmas.

Christmas Parade

2007-12-26T15:42:00.000-08:00

Every year our tiny city has a Christmas parade with floats and cars full of people throwing candy. We never miss it because we get so much candy that we eat on it all year long. This year it was on December 15th. Tay is "too old" for such nonsense so he went to a friend's house. Dad was there but we have no proof since he was the photographer.

Here is Tristie catching candy:

Here is Tabby- under my sweater- after getting hit with some candy (by our own church's float, no less):
Here she is hiding when more people threw candy:
Here they are (with me) plugging their ears when the fire engine came through:
Here we are picking up candy:

Here we are throwing the excess back at the kids on the float (we decided it was better to give than receive-lol)- they were wanting candy too and had thrown all they had, and we had plenty to share:

Our booty:
We always divide it into multiple "types" and bag it. Keep in mind this is only the candy- we also got stuffed animals, dozens of mardi gras beads, 5 toothbrushes and 5 tubes of toothpaste, lip balm, and other toys.
It was lots of fun (except for getting smacked in the face with hard candy). All the pics are clickable if you want to see better.

Goofy Girls...

2007-12-26T15:37:00.000-08:00

Hubby got some speaker buffers for his car doors. The girls thought they looked like hats and danced while I sang, "Putting on the Ritz" (ok, Tristie danced while Tabby cried- she had just gotten in trouble for something). I just thought it was too cute not to post.

Paintings Done and Delivered!

2007-12-26T15:25:00.000-08:00

I got my paintings done and delivered them (and even got paid for two of them) before Christmas, so I had a few extra dollars for gifts.

This is for a high school band member from her mom:

This is for her brother, a football fan:

These two are for a woman's niece and nephew for Christmas:

I finished these as always at the cost of the gifts for my family, who will understand if I finish their gifts late.

Sooooooooooo

2007-12-19T19:20:00.001-08:00

Today was my last day! I had a rough couple of days there.

1) I had some health issues that popped up and messed up my sleep. I am a 10 hour a night girl and I have been getting 2-3.
2) One of the health issues involved me inhaling some rice, which does not dissolve that fast in the lungs I have found. Fortunately I do this a lot, so I know that even when I can feel the food in my lungs and it causes severe asthmatic reactions for several days, there is no point in going to the doctor, because food does dissolve, even in your lungs. I have asthma anyway, so this just made it worse and I had to go back on my steriod inhaler, which I was supposed to be totally weaned from.
3) This stomach virus won't go away (I had it weeks ago, but still have a very sensitive stomach), so yesterday at school, I vomitted in the trash while changing diapers and I can't eat much without feeling sick again.
4) I got no Christmas presents done by my deadline (today).
5) I am having money issues also, mostly because I quit my job before Christmas.
6) The woman who had been taking all of my shifts can no longer do so, because her car broke down, and so I have to work tomorrow night.
7) My hubby is mad at me because I said I had mailed something, but I hadn't. I feel like a heel, not for forgetting to mail it, but for lying to avoid a fight. So he is pretty much not speaking to me. I don't know what to say since he is right to be mad.
8) I have to spend all day tomorrow painting to fulfill orders, so I cannot even enjoy my first day home.

I think I'll go to bed and see how things are tomorrow.

Why I love little junky things?

2007-12-19T19:09:00.001-08:00

http://www.perpetualkid.com/index.asp?PageAction=VIEWCATS&Category=132

I want the ABC gingerbread men cookie cutters (already been chewed), the heart and daisy egg molds, the dino utensils for nephew, the salt and playtime shakers, the How to Keep your Husband apron, and the candle carver. I have always related to that Nancy Griffith song, where she wants to run into the 5 and Dime and fill up her basket with "unnecessary plastic objects).

How pretty is this?

2007-12-19T19:00:00.000-08:00

I saw this beautiful quilt made partially from repurposed materials. Isn't it pretty? They have a tote with this design too. If I was having a new baby, I would want this for their baby quilt.

http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=8513068

Bolder Giving

2007-12-18T20:54:00.000-08:00

I usually skim the magazines in the checkout line. I saw a article in People this month about people who give 50% or more of their income and live on less. I didn't have time to read the whole article, so I googled it and found the website I am now linking to on my site.

I was raised to give. I still give, but I don't give until it hurts. I truly believe that this is what the Bible calls us to do. I am resolving to get right and start giving. One of my resolutions for the new year is to have at least one event each month where I and my children give to those less fortunate (January's will be to go through all of our closets and storage and find warm winter adult and children's clothes/jackets, and to take them to the local homeless shelters).

I think my out loud ruminations may be having an effect on the children, because yesterday Tristyn was outside of the church working on a "fairy house" and I heard her talking to her sister about making a pile of berries for the "homeless fairies". I did a little dance.

The Bloopers

2007-12-14T15:09:00.000-08:00

Hoping to win a doll carrier...

2007-12-14T15:01:00.001-08:00

The Place of H is hosting a giveaway for a doll carrier. Go on over and leave a comment to get entered into the drawing. Here's the linkypoo:
http://theplaceofh.blogspot.com/2007/12/vision-forum-giveaway.html

How about this shirt?

2007-12-13T18:06:00.001-08:00

http://www.zazzle.com/keepers_at_home_gaurding_the_high_customized_shirt-235701555713109655

I don't wear a lot of ts with a message, but this is cute.

This one too:
http://www.zazzle.com/life_affords_no_greater_responsibility_no_grea_shirt-235220024981013806?ZCMP=ProductPageRecs2

How cute!

2007-12-13T13:30:00.000-08:00

I saw one of these on someone's blog and I thought how perfect for a tea drinker. That would never fail to make me smile...

http://www.bitsandpieces.com/%5EGifts+For+Her/08-W5833.html

Today at school (only 3 more days!)

2007-12-13T12:36:00.000-08:00

Because of our setup, I spend lots of time with my daughters even though they are in a separate class. We are a small preschool and the 3's and 4's combine for lots of activities (at least one every day). I took these photos, but cropped out the other kids for their privacy. The other teachers tried to take my picture, but I hid my camera. They thought it was funny that I kept lying on the table helping the kids with their art projects. We only have 3 more days of school and then we are homeschooling full-time! I can't wait and neither can the kids!

Tristie
Tabby
Harps (the nephew)

Getting Crafty...

2007-12-13T12:20:00.000-08:00

I have one day to turn this into bows...
This, sadly, is all I have done...
At this point it is more about fulfilling an obligation, than making money. I do like to make bows, but not for pay. Hopefully I will get much more done tonight. I am selling them at the local mom's group (MUMS- moms uplifting, mentoring, and serving) meeting tomorrow. Note to self: next time say no!

I picked up a little more ribbon, and I found this super cute fabric at Hobby Lobby (click on the pic to see it better). Won't that be the most precious baby blanket for my new nephew due in February? The patchwork fabric is for the back and ruffle. I might skip the ruffle and just make a matching jumper. It was uber expensive, but I know it will be doubly loved and cherished because it will be made by Aunt Lala. I already have two half finished baby blankets to finish crocheting, but those cannot be touched until after the Christmas stuff is done.

Of course, I am on Firefly

2007-12-12T14:18:00.001-08:00

Which sci-fi crew would you best fit in with? (pics)
created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Serenity (Firefly)

You like to live your own way and don't enjoy when anyone but a friend tries to tell you should do different. Now if only the Reavers would quit trying to skin you.

Serenity (Firefly)

100%

Galactica (Battlestar: Galactica)

94%

Millennium Falcon (Star Wars)

94%

Deep Space Nine (Star Trek)

88%

Enterprise D (Star Trek)

88%

Heart of Gold (Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy)

81%

Moya (Farscape)

81%

Babylon 5 (Babylon 5)

75%

Andromeda Ascendant (Andromeda)

69%

SG-1 (Stargate)

69%

Bebop (Cowboy Bebop)

56%

FBI's X-Files Division (The X-Files)

56%

Nebuchadnezzar (The Matrix)

31%

Dh's Work Christmas Party

2007-12-10T20:31:00.001-08:00

We went last Saturday night. It was held at the motorcycle museum which is of course facinating to dh. The food was awesome. I had so much food and two desserts (I justified the second one as a diversion during all the speech making). At the last minute, dh didn't like what I had picked out to wear so we settled on this. I didn't like it together, but I guess it looked ok. My shoes were black with brown piping (handmedowns from my mom), but I have no dressy brown shoes. It was nice, but we stayed out much too late so I didn't feel great the next day. I napped in between church and church.

The day after Thanksgiving

2007-12-10T20:25:00.001-08:00

We went to the local tree farm and cut down our tree. Here is Taylor pretending to take a saw to his sisters.

Proof that I was there as well:
Tay sawing away...

Cute holiday ornaments...

2007-12-08T12:27:00.001-08:00

http://www.craftster.org/forum/index.php?topic=211860.0

I am thinking of how to fashion a crochet hook to make these crochet friendly...

Money saving idea

2007-12-08T12:23:00.000-08:00

I saw this posted on Craftzine's blog and wanted to post it here:
http://www.instructables.com/id/Microwave-Popcorn%3a-Home-made%2c-cheap-and-easy/

I actually do a cheaper and easier version myself. I only use popcorn (cheap bagged old style popcorn) and paper lunch sacks. I put in a couple of handfuls of popcorn, just enough to cover the bottom of the sack. I fold down the top several times (I don't use anything to keep it closed and it has never opened all the way). I pop it on high for 1.5 minutes and viola! Perfect popcorn. Unfortunately, it doesn't hold salt because it has no oil, so if salt is a must have, you can lightly spray with canola oil and then salt. Cheap, easy and healthy!

Today's booty!!

2007-12-07T15:03:00.001-08:00

We went to the Scholastic Book Fair's Warehouse sale today and I got a bunch of things. I got gifts for all of my students and the girls' classmates (since we are working through the end of December's school schedule). I got a computer game, some workbooks, and some books for the girls for Christmas, some books for Tay, a doggy backpack and board book set for my nephew, plus a few books for me. Anyone can go. You can register on their site (google it) as a homeschooler and they don't require any id to get in. If you preregister, you get a $10 off $50 coupon (which we did use).

Tristyn's Accident

2007-12-07T14:48:00.000-08:00

This is the event that preceded my resignation, and I think everyone has assumed that it is why I quit.

Tristie fell backwards off the swings and landed on the ground underneath. She cried and ran to me. I held her thinking it was just a normal fall until the other teacher told me there was blood on the back of their head. This picture was of the cut after it was washed but before they stapled it. You can't really tell, but there was a knot under it.

Here is the area that she fell on. See all the rocks. Dh took this picture with his cell after making me show him where she fell (he met us at the doctor's office and then we drove back to church).
This is the cloth I had been holding to her head on the way to the doctor's.
Here is her stapled head two days later, no swelling or redness, just a cut and a staple. It is a small cut, but a very deep one, hence the staple.
She gets it out in 5 more days.

The Christmas Puppy!

2007-12-07T14:18:00.000-08:00

I quit

2007-12-06T13:21:00.000-08:00

I quit my MDO job today. I will be home fulltime homeschooling the little ones again with dh's blessing (and at his request). I don't think this means he is ok with me homeschooling them next year, but it is a baby step in that direction. My boss handled it fine, but I still have to tell the parents. I am only worried about one, the child with sensory issues. He is just now getting treatment and I hate to be a reason for setbacks. My other child with issues is not coming back. Her mom had a really interesting take on the situation. She said that once she got some "me time" all she wanted was more "me time" and it made her resent her dd when she didn't get it. She said that she didn't think getting "me time" was helping her to be a good mother. I told her that I totally understood. I thought it was such a profound thought on the same day I was to turn in my notice. Getting a "break" from my kids is not necessary, nor does it improve my mothering at all.

I cannot wait until it is over and my days are free! 2 more weeks!

For Nan...

2007-12-03T10:43:00.001-08:00

Here is the head lamp I use to crochet with while watching tv. It is an LED light so it is plenty bright even when I am trying to crochet with black yarn. The actual light is tiltable so I can direct it onto the project exactly where I want it. It is by Energizer and I got it in Walmart for around $12. I prefer the ones that use regular batteries because we keep those around, but some use watch batteries. (Note: this is actually not my favorite. I have 2 and the girls had stolen my favorite, but I didn't realize until after the picture was uploaded. The one I prefer is very similar, but has a slide switch instead of a button switch.) I actually own 2 of these and ds owns 1 for reading in the car. I hope this works for you! The only pitfall is when someone speaks to you and you turn to look them in the eyes, you temporarily blind them. They get over it!

My awesome husband...

2007-12-03T08:06:00.000-08:00

Can I just share how he is constantly surprising me and blessing me with the smallest but most meaningful gestures? I had bought a huge jug of V8 juice months ago and never drank it. I love V8 juice, but for some reason I never ever felt like a glass. It was super irritating to my husband because I had insisted on buying it despite his doubts that I would ever drink it. He pointed it out weekly and started saying that he would never buy it for me again because it was a complete waste of money. I couldn't argue since he was right.

Yesterday he came home from the grocery store and told me he had a "gift" for me in the garage. I went out there and looked and there was a small case of single serving V8 cans. He said that way they wouldn't go bad in between me drinking them.

He constantly surprises and delights me.

Ruth Bell Graham

2007-12-03T08:03:00.000-08:00

I managed to tape the special on Ruth Bell Graham and spent all yesterday on and off watching it. What a beautiful woman and what an inspiration to wives and mothers everywhere. I think I am asking for a biography on her for Christmas from my mother.

Sometimes my husband is a better wife than I am...

2007-12-02T12:51:00.000-08:00

So I have been sick with the stomach flu for the entire weekend (apparently it is worse for grown ups than it is for children, but at least I never missed the bucket) and my poor sweet hubby has had to assume my roles. And as usual he has shown me up. Aside from cleaning up after and caring for me, he has cleaned out the fridge, organized the cupboard, rearranged the cabinets, done three loads of dishes and put them away and done the grocery shopping. All the in the same time I would have had nothing done. Wow! It has really shown me how I could really knock some stuff out if I had his motivation. Unfortunately I am still sick and unable to chip in. I tried to go to the grocery store with him and got clammy and nausated just by getting dressed. I hope I get better soon, so I can repay him with some fabulous cooking and amazing homemaking this week!

Wow! See this movie!!

2007-11-30T14:44:00.000-08:00

http://www.bellamoviesite.com/

We saw this today. I loved it. I saw the ad on the Rebelution website and looked it up. It was playing in my town, so we dashed over to see it. I was very nervous it wouldn't be appropriate for the girls, but there was only one scene that I had to sheild their eyes during (there is plenty of warning in the movie that it is coming), and it wasn't a tenth as graphic as prime time crime shows. It has a strong pro-life message, but because of the way it is presented it will reach people of any and no religion (though the main character is clearly Catholic). There is no overt talk of abortion so I didn't have to explain what that means to my girls. I bawled my eyes out. The girl that sold me the tickets told me it was the best movie she had seen all year (she also answered my questions about how the movie would go over with the girls so I was comfortable taking them). I would have saved this movie for my birthday "date" with hubby, since I always get to pick a movie, but I knew that this small film would surely be gone by January.